It's Better Than Drinking Alone
by Duck Life
Summary: Jordan turns his and Simon's apartment into a bar. Post-COLS, spoilers for COLS. Slight crackfic. Implied Malec. Oneshot. Please R&R!


Magnus leaned against the door and knocked, trying to wipe from his memory Alec's crestfallen face in the subway station lit by the soft witchlight. He'd said he would be out all day, and had realized his mistake as he ascended into the gray day- he had nowhere to go.

Jordan opened the door, a bemused expression on his face. "Um… Magnus?"

"Hello, werewolf," said Magnus, feeling his voice ripple throughout himself like crackled tinfoil. He coughed. "Can I come in?"

Jordan glanced behind him, almost as if he were unsure whether he was still in his and Simon's apartment. "Alec's not here."

"I know," said the warlock, feeling his now ex-boyfriend's name like a bucket of cold water thrown in his face, trying to hide it. "Isabelle said something about tequila."

"Oh," said Jordan, though he was still just as confused about Magnus's showing up here. "Well, come in… I guess." As soon as he stepped back, Magnus brushed past him into the room, masking his surprise at the girl in the long skirt and bright sweater standing to the left of the counter. Maybe Maia and Jordan had also broken up. Maybe it was a bad day for couples.

Magnus nearly crashed into the opposite side of the counter and braced his elbows on it, as if he needed it to stand, before sliding into a barstool, ignoring the startled glance from the werewolf boy. "Tequila," he reminded the Praetorian guard, who quickly retrieved it from the cabinet he'd returned it to after Isabelle had passed out.

While Magnus downed his glass, Rebecca leaned over to her brother's guardian, confused. "So… what's he?" she said in a hushed tone, having noticed the blue sparks dancing at Magnus Bane's fingertips. "Like a wizard?"

"Warlock," said Jordan, clearly feeling awkward.

"Warlock?"she repeated. "Those are real, too?" She could not contain her grin- something about finding that all these mythical creatures she'd once read about were real was near exhilarating. "That's _awesome_."

"Is it?" said Magnus philosophically, looking at her, his gaze already somewhat unsteady. "Being a warlock? Party all night, sleep all day, live forever." Rebecca stared at him.

"Isn't that the tagline to _The Lost Boys_?"

"Immortality," said Magnus, his glittering eyelids heavy on his cat eyes, "is not _awesome_. It's a pain in the ass."

Rebecca nodded, clearly wishing she'd said nothing. While Magnus finished his tequila, she waited for Simon in silence, relieved when he burst through the door. "Hi," she said. "Ready to go for dinner?"

Simon laughed. "I just got home," he reminded her, and shrugged out of his jacket. He'd hung it on the coat rack before noticing the High Warlock of Brooklyn seated at his counter. "What…" he said to Jordan, gesturing to a drunk Magnus. Jordan just shrugged.

"He showed up and asked for tequila," he said in a low whisper. Simon stared at him incredulously.

"So you just gave him some?" Simon said.

"Well, yeah," Jordan said. "I mean, I didn't want him to turn me into a ferret or something." Since they'd met, Jordan had been somewhat intimidated by the warlock and his spark-tipped fingers.

"He doesn't turn people into ferrets-" started Simon, but was cut off by Rebecca, waving at them from the counter.

"Um, Simon?" she said. "Can we go now?" Magnus appeared to be changing the color of the tequila in the bottle.

"Yeah, yeah," said Simon, reaching behind him for his jacket. "Now, you know tonight I'll be drinking…"

"Blood, I know," said Rebecca, sounding as though she were trying too hard to act normal about the whole ordeal. Jordan had to admire the effort she made, though. "I'm okay with it."

"Okay," said Simon, opening the door for both of them. "Now, when you look on the menu, there'll be some faerie food…" His words were drowned out as the door swung shut behind Simon and his sister, leaving Jordan alone in the room with the drunk warlock.

"You know what this place needs?" said Magnus. "Some music. Would totally fix the ambiance in here."

Jordan stared at him. "It's not a bar."

Magnus rubbed his eyes and looked around, feeling sick with depression and realizing the alcohol had not helped it at all. "Maybe it should be."

* * *

Two weeks later, Simon arrived home one night and opened the door to find a cluster of ifrits and a moping Alec Lightwood at his kitchen counter, as well as a bookshelf full of beer pushed against the wall across from them from which his roommate was providing them drinks. He could hear a piano playing, and as he left the threshold and entered the kitchen, he realized that it was coming from an actual piano standing where Jordan's gaming couch used to be.

"Hey," said Jordan, a wide grin on his face. "Bloody Mary?"

"What?" said Simon, still trying to comprehend. "What the hell happened?"

"I found you a new provider for blood," said Jordan. "For you as well as our vampire customers."

"Our vampire customers?" Simon repeated. "You turned our apartment into a bar?"

"You like it?" said Jordan, gesturing to the ifrits and the piano player. "Tonight's opening night." Simon squinted at him, wondering if this was some sort of practical joke.

"Don't you need a warrant for selling alcohol?" he said, recalling this as he swiveled his gaze to the piano player. "Is that Billy Joel?"

"No and yes," said Jordan. "No warrant necessary for Downworld bars, and my aunt went to high school with him." Simon blinked.

"I think I will take some blood," he said after a long moment, surveying the room, still trying to convince himself that he had not wandered into the Twilight Zone. Of all the Praetor Lupus members he could have been assigned, he had landed with the one who turned his home into a pub.

"Here you go, buddy," said Jordan, handing Simon a bottle of blood. "You want me to heat it up?" Simon looked around at the ifrits, Alec, Billy Joel, and shook his head. Some things needed to stay private.

"I'm gonna go lie down," he said, jerking a thumb behind him. "You didn't turn my bedroom into a nightclub or a brothel or something, did you?"

"Oh, what do you take me for?" said Jordan in mock hurt as Simon rolled his eyes and headed for his bedroom. "Goodnight!" he said, before turning to the people at the bar. "Another round, boys?" he asked as "Piano Man" filled the room.


End file.
